Not Football. Bad Comparison.

 This post is about the first half of me.

If you could explain the first half of me, then...

it would look like a teenage girl, laying in a hammock, drinking hot cocoa, watching the clouds go by, on an Autumn afternoon.

it would sound like a teenage girl, on the other end of the phone, talking about her past, laughing,  on a Saturday night.

it would be a teenage girl, (me), laying in her bed, perhaps crying, perhaps laughing.... almost always not being able to fall asleep, every night.

That's ideally where I'd be, 

and what I'd be doing, 

cause that's my place to think, 

and thinking is what I do. 

I love to think. 

And what I think about is nearly always the past.

And here we come to a weakness.

I'm no good at forgetting the past.

It may be because I rarely forget anything.

It may be because of my longing of never wanting to forget.

Either way, my past's still there and it won't leave. So it's been on my mind.

Random thought. What if a teenage girl could lay in her hammock for forever, thinking, and thinking, and thinking..? Well, the truth is, part of her life would be her, thinking.

For the rest? She would only be wondering, because there would be not past left for her to think about. 

That's why I am usually not myself, world. I guess that's the truth. 

Sitting in a hammock, thinking, and thinking, well, that's what my firs half is, that's who I am. Although, in my life, I do, well, do. 

That would be my second half. And, well, this is why I'm not myself, most of the time... or at least, I am not my first half. Does that make sense? Or am I just rambling?

 Those people that know me know me by listening to my never ending rants about all of the random things I think about.

And yes, most of them start with 'I remember once when..', which brings us back to the theme of past. Others are journal entries, or texts, or blogs, like these. 

I went to a high school football game with a good friend of mine. No, I couldn't care less about football. I don't understand it. I barely even remember why I decided to go. But this friend of mine went and we left after the 2nd half. "How many halves are there?" I remembered her asking. I laughed a little too hard, but then said 

"good question." 

Cause just how many halves are there? How many halves are there to a person..?

Anyway, that night I left after 1st half, that's what I'll be doing now. Tomorrow, maybe I'll tell you about my second half, the half that just does.

Goodnight world!

"People are so confusing, and me." -Leezie Dee